Take A Load Off, Annie
T9L #7, from January 25, 2004. My love letter to the Republican pinup princess, Ann Coulter. I may wanna murder her, but at the end of the day, damn she fine.

Think I'm Insane? Blame This Man
T9L #6, from December 12, 2003. A tribute to Bill Donohue of Game Players, and the only article I ever wrote that actually got feedback from the subject himself.

The Amazing Race
T9L #5, from November 24, 2003. Vegas odds on who would be first to legally sex up the then-underage Olsen Twins. Turns out it wasn't me. Boo hoo.

An interview (and more) with Fat Pat
With the recent Diva Search contests, and the signing of lots of new women, you have to wonder what goes through the mind of Diva Hopefuls.

Screw X-E, I Can Be Nostalgic Too
T9L #4, from November 21, 2003. The Virtual Boy was stupid, useless, and painful. In other words, a classic that deserves thousands of words in its memory.

Why Michael Stipe Looks Like A God-Damn Skeleton
T9L #3, from November 11, 2003. The ugliest man in music this side of Tiny Tim. How did this happen? A query.

Nazis: The Ultimate Trend Killers
T9L #2, from October 25, 2003. I don't know who they pissed off, but Nazis have had bad karma just pouring outta their asses over the past few decades.

The Chicks Dig The Collar
T9L #1, from October 10, 2003. An account of my honest-to-Vishnu ministry, where alter boys can find the grace of God inside my rectory.

Give the Gift - of Singing Retards!
Someone thought it would be an idea to make a record label of nothing but retarded people singing and making CDs. Now THAT is classy. Not really.

Top Ten Jews!
Not to be outdone by the tons of off-color jokes about other minorities here is my tribute to the top ten Jews of the entire free world.