Blaxploitation films – you have to admit these are pretty funny, and to an extent the recent 2012 film Django Unchained is considered one in its ways. I also heard in some ways Django Unchained is often compared to a film named “Boss Nigger.”
With a name like that, how the fuck could I resist, especially with it being Black History Month? I wonder if (stupid, close-minded) people consider Boss Nigger as racist as they do Django Unchained. Simply put, I cannot allow a movie with that name to NOT get a review on this site.
Our film opens up with a rather large group of white people who have found some kind of lock-box they are trying to open.
One thing I love to laugh at is that in Western films everyone looks like the homeless of today where they probably smell bad and don’t shower. I bet the Wild West was a bad time to be alive because people smelled bad and shot each other pretty often. Speaking of which these guys get gunned down while talking about how great it was to have stolen money again.
The last guy lets out an “AWW SHIT” before getting murked. It turns out there was a $500 bounty on the head of this white guy (and presumably his gang) dead or alive. Now that’s one thing the Wild West had right. If every time someone committed a felony they were put on posters WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE I guarantee there would be less crime. If everyone had to worry about getting shot point blank when they did something stupid people would do less stupid shit. In this way gun control is a bad idea but that’s a different story for a different day.
Oh shit, it’s two black guys which is somewhat unheard of for the time period, and they are getting paid a lot of money to kill white people.
I assume at a time where everyone else is a slave, this is considered “living the dream.”
They tell the Sherriff they have more whiteys to catch and a song about black men in a white man’s town plays before we see the words:
BOSS NIGGER. The song says he’s a BOSS… called NIGGER. This… this movie might be Fred Williamson’s finest hour (he wrote and produced this script in addition to starred in this film).
As Boss Nigger and his trusty Sidekick Nigger are riding through the West they encounter a black guy and his daughter. The black guy gets gunned down by three white men, which in those days was “normal” as opposed to “national news” as it is today. Boss Nigger dispatches them all effortlessly. Boss’s sidekick checks on the girl and goes “Ooh lawdy, another nigger.” It turns out one of the men that they killed is worth $100. The Wild West was a good time to be a sociopath. Half the people wandering around were worth money if you killed them and brought it in. I wish it was that way now.
There’s no way you can wear a hat like that and not mean business. Boss Nigger immediately starts putting the mack on this girl even though her Dad has been dead for about 2 minutes. I have to get a hat like that. I don’t think it works unless your name is “BOSS NIGGER” though and I don’t think I can legally change my name to that.
He takes her back to some Mexican friends her and her father did work for. I can’t help but laugh at the guy’s 2 sizes too small sombrero. Boss Nigger asks about the local sheriff of this town and the Mexican informs Boss Nigger there is no sheriff because he was killed and never replaced so the town is run by the mayor and the town committee.
White women stare awkwardly at Boss Nigger & his partner Amos. I believe they assume the rapes will now begin. Then again who would want to force the women of this time to have sex with their malformed old lady bodies?
Here we see Ben Rothlesberger’s great great grandfather start the trend of drunkenly sexually harassing and trying to rape people as some drunk white guys pour out of a bar and begin ogling a fat Mexican maid, proving that people didn’t have standards back then (and very few do now).
These two guys don’t take too kindly to Boss Nigger cockblocking them and say that they’ve heard of these black devils before. The smaller one says he wonders if “the black comes off” and gets kicked in the face as Boss Nigger pulls a gun on Big Ben. “I hope you’re fast because if you ain’t, you is dead!” You gotta love some vintage Ebonic shit-talk. Amos demands they apologize to the lady with their hats off like gentlemen. After they do it he demands they leave holding hands real nice-like turning these guys into America’s first homosexuals. He makes them skip along for good measure too. Boss Nigger tells Amos not to start trouble and he says that he didn’t like their looks and he also happens to love FAT WOMEN. Oh, so THIS is how THAT whole thing started?
Cue more shots of white people staring angrily at the blacks. This woman looks especially horrid. Holy shit that is one ugly bitch. She should be part of some kind of “RACISM IS UGLY” campaign.
At this point Boss Nigger and Amos break open the boarded up Sherriff’s office and enter. The amusing thing about this is they are breaking and entering but since there is no sheriff they cannot be arrested for it. My mind is blown. It looks like Boss Nigger and Amos are moving in. Consequentially the entire towns property values immediately lower 67%.
The mayor enters and the first words out of his mouth are “What are you niggers doing here?” Amos responds by asking “Fat Cheeks” what he wants to which he is responded to with “I happen to be the mayor of this town, Nigger.”
The mayor threatens to tar and feather them out of town if they do not leave, which Amos finds highly amusing – my guess is because they’d look like chicken and they like chicken. I take note that Amos looks like a human racist caricature due to his own fat baby cherubic face. They inform them they are the new Sherriff & deputy. Boss Nigger is here looking for a man named Jed and has some dirt on the Mayor so it looks like these two bounty hunters are in. Amos says that whites have been hunting blacks for so long they wanted to see what it was like to hunt white folks. The Mayor says he doesn’t know how he’s going to explain a Nigger Sherriff.
Fred Williamson with the happiest look ever is pleased to tell the Mayor “THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM.” This movie is fucking hilarious. The Mayor explains Jed shows up twice a month and he doesn’t need any problems riling up the town. Boss Nigger points out this is the Mayor’s problem yet again and that they only care about the person who pays them and right now the Mayor is not. This is must be where “blackmail” got its name since Boss Nigger is about to blackmail and extort the mayor.
If this is what a GOOD TIME GIRL looks like what does a TERRIBLE TIME GIRL look like? I am cringing at the appearance of this “lady.” Jed’s men are angry the women and supplies are hidden from them when they roll into town. Maybe that’s why there are only ugly women when these guys appear. They inform the Mayor they’re going to start killing people until or unless they get more supplies. However, Boss Nigger has arrived. Jed’s drunken men immediately demand the Nigger come shine their boots. Boss Nigger pretends to be a humble happy Negro who likes serving the white man.
Some white folk fixin’ ta die! Amos shows up right behind Boss Nigger as he immediately shoots these men in the foot and then shoots them everywhere else. Two of Jed’s men are taken alive so that Boss Nigger can hunt him down. The women are angry because Jed keeps raping them when he comes into town and they don’t want any more trouble with these new black fellows despite the fact that they’re here to kill Jed which would prevent all the raping in the first place.
The Mayor is terrified about Jed coming to town and he’s also trying to get rid of Boss Nigger. He tries to convince Boss to leave so the town won’t suffer at Jed’s hands and in hopes Jed and Boss fight elsewhere. However, Boss doesn’t care if this town goes to shit. The men who are still alive say that if they aren’t released Jed will destroy this town.
A happy white lady originally from Boston tells Boss Nigger and Amos that she knew some good black people who used to sing and dance a lot.
…Boss Nigger obviously doesn’t like the implication “all black people sing and dance,” even though many white people seem to enjoy the concept of Dancing Blackards to this very day:
MILLIONS OF DOLLAS! MILLIONS OF DOLLAS! MILLIONS OF DOLLAS! MILLIONS OF DOLLAS! Boss Nigger tells this white lady that when she goes back to Boston she can tell the black people there that she just met “two niggers that don’t know how to sing or dance.” While this is going on someone seems to have let the two white Jed-Men out. With quickness, Boss Nigger and Amos kill one and recapture the other, and Amos puts a bullet in the captive’s OTHER good foot.
Up next, Boss Nigger Goes to the Olive Garden. Before the waiter even speaks Boss decides to clarify HE KNOWS HE’S A NIGGER, I KNOW I’S A NIGGER. SO YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TELL US WE IS. BUT EVEN NIGGERS GOTTA EAT SO GET ME SOME FOOD BEFORE I BLOW YOUR GODDAMN HEAD OFF. This is met with a response of “Yes sir, Mr. Nigger!” I realize If I were black I would legally change my name to “Boss Nigger” just to make everyone else uncomfortable.
IT’S NIGHT TIME! NATURAL CAMOFLAGUE IS NOW ACTIVE.
Meanwhile the Mayor has gathered up a cast of bums that look like they belong as tiles on Guess Who The Mystery Face game to talk about the fact Jed had 3 men killed in town today and is probably going to take it out on all of them. The Mayor wants one of them to take the job to be the new Sherriff.
Boss Nigger says no. The white guys try to protest but they’re afraid of Boss Nigger’s big black dick gun. Boss Nigger makes them officially swear him in as Sherriff. As they leave one of the short fat guys says he does not like niggers being the law in his town. Considering Boss Nigger is the only one willing to put up with and even kill Jed for this town you’d think they’d be more grateful. Mayor says Jed is probably going to kill those uppity niggers anyway. You’d think Jed had eight arms all wielding guns with pinpoint accuracy. The men say they’d rather have Jed rape their women than a nigger.
Boss Nigger REALLY likes Olive Garden. The Mayor officially appoints Boss Nigger the Sherriff but Boss Nigger wants his office cleaned up by somebody before he does.
As if being a black man in a white person town isn’t enough Boss Nigger goes back to lead a small family of Mexicans to food – and yes that’s a SMALL Mexican family. LARGE Mexican families number in the 100s.
THEY’RE COMING TO TAKE YER JOBS! Boss Nigger begins handing them food and clothing from the General Store without paying. In other words Boss Nigger is history’s first corrupt cop. The Store Owner says someone needs to stop this Nigger and asks Amos to do his duty as deputy… so Amos arrests the store owner instead.
This is the modern day equivalent of voting Barack Obama into office. Barack is Boss Nigger 2013. They also take Store Owner’s money. The Mexicans all leave after having taken a lot of food and clothing. Meanwhile the Mayor who is in fear for what he has unleashed upon everyone arranges a meeting with Jed. Jed was busy fucking big booty Mexican hoes but makes time for the mayor anyway.
Jed hits the Mayor up for extra money because he’s THAT kind of scumbag that can rape your women, steal your supplies, then make you pay him money and make you thank him profusely for the privilege of Jed fucking your whole world up. THAT is a badass. Too bad for him he’s about to get BOSS NIGGER’D before the end of this film.
Back in town THE BOSS NIGGER posts a list. This list has BLACK LAW. Notice that being called a nigger costs you $20.00, more than any other offense. Also back then $20 was like $100. I wish I could charge people $20 every time I was called a spic. I’d be loaded. By the way, all of you should PayPal email@example.com to keep the site open. I’ll let you call me a spic if you do.
Rather than call them niggers now the townspeople are just ignoring them completely which is also called the “GOT ANY CHANGE” technique. Of course they have now made IGNORING THEM a criminal offense and take the white people to jail.
This is becoming more like the Obama Administration by the second. For $5 the man is released. This is like the most corrupt game of Monopoly ever. I'm surprised Boss Nigger didn't demand the wife has to take DP from him and Amos.
The Mexican lady who Amos saved towards the beginning of the film tries to suck his dick for no reason. Boss Nigger leaves Amos to get raped by the Mexican Cleaning Lady from Family Guy while he adds a few new laws and codes to the board. He then gets more stuff from the store owner and makes him bill it to the mayor. The blacksmith decides he wants to befriend Boss Nigger by offering his services. Unlike the Mexican lady no blowjobs are involved.
Meanwhile at night Jed’s Men have found Boss Nigger’s lady friend and are spying at her, probably with the intention of Forced Jungle Fever. For a black chick she doesn’t have much bum, but this isn’t about sexual gratification as much as sending a message to Boss Nigger.
But it’s not Jed… it’s the Mayor who is just about to earn his title as Mayor McRape. The mayor says he loves how her skin feels soft like velvet and that he has a lot of power around here and can make it goof for her around here. She smiles and looks like she is about to give the Mayor what he wants but knees him in the crotch and tosses him outside her house before crying. This guy is so inept he botches rape.
PLEASE BOSS NIGGER, TAKE OUR WHITE WOMEN. White Woman says she wants Boss Nigger’s company for breakfast and that she doesn’t really care if the townsfolk dislike it. Meanwhile an old man tries to tear down BLACK LAW and then tells Amos to get his “filthy black hands off me, nigger” as he gets dragged to jail, does not pass GO and does not collect $200. A man rushes in to interrupt breakfast to say the deputy just locked up a Bank President. So much for Boss Nigger getting his Horsedick.mpg on:
That’s a great, great song, and a personal favorite. Boss Nigger hears what Amos’ reasoning is and is none too pleased with being called a Nigger. The Bank Manager will not pay a cent.
THE RACE WAR WILL NOW BEGIN. The Mayor is none too pleased about this at all. Boss Nigger then arrests the Mayor too and gives him 1 day in jail for disturbing the peace. When you really look at this, Boss Nigger is no better than the Jed guy who has been extorting them for the longest time. Everyone buys their way out except for Jed’s henchman and his shot-up feet who asks for a doctor. The doctor is about to leave, which means Boss Nigger CAN actually get his Horsedick.mpg on.
She offers Boss “hot coffee” and “apple pie” both of which are now safe words for “dick in the pussy” today. Instead he just kisses her and says “this is to satisfy your curiosity” before leaving.
Either that or he’s trying to say her pussy really stinks. The doctor tells Boss later he that she’s the one pillar of decency in the town and Boss takes that as “you don’t want her made dirty by a nigger.”
Meanwhile some music that sounds like it could start The People’s Court plays as an army of white people on horses make their way into town. Jed and his men are here to make a jail break and fuck some shit up. They blow up the back wall of the jail and even manage to tie Boss Nigger up.
What does Scotty 2 Hotty have against Boss Nigger?
Here we see Boss Nigger invented Jackass. The Blacksmith rushes to Boss Nigger’s aid cutting him lose, much to the dismay of every other white person in town. Boss Nigger is able to shoot down a few more of Jed’s men as the rest retreat. Apparently Amos died in the attack because the rest of the townspeople believe there is only “one of those niggers” left but they are afraid of an armed Boss Nigger and back off. Boss Nigger re-enters the wreckage of the Sherriff’s office and finds Amos is in fact still alive. Jed and his men have meanwhile attacked the Mexicans Boss Nigger helped and stolen the Token Black Girl as well. She’s about to be the victim of the first ever interracial gang bang in America. They also snatch up a few Mexican women as they do who they are about to transform into Citizens… with their dicks. As they do a Mexican boy cries for his mother and falls down…
…Oh I know where this is going. And I like it.
The boy joins many raccoons, squirrels and other animals in roadkill heaven.
All of a sudden every Mexican on earth pops out here and you have to wonder where they were when all the women were being taken and kids were getting run over. I’m starting to think this was their way of making sure they all had one less birthday gift to buy this year. I find out in this scene the old lady’s name is Margarita and her dead kid is Poncho. These are great stereotypical Mexican names.
Margarita blames Boss Nigger for the death of Poncho, starting the poor race relations between blacks and Hispanics in the Western United States for many years to come. Boss Nigger plans to go alone and tells Amos to take care of Poncho’s mother. Amos loves old Mexican ladies so this probably means he’s going to put a dick in her ass and introduce her to HIS version of Poncho.
Boss Nigger turns himself into Jed to try to save the girl. Boss Nigger gets cracked across the face hard with Jed’s gun. All of a sudden the tide has turned in favor of the White Devil.
Boss Nigger is shot through the hand by Jed’s man who has holes in his feet. That’s also how my palm looks after furious violent masturbation for years and years. But… shouldn’t they do BOTH of his hands? I mean he might be a good shot with the other one.
Jeddy 2 Ready tells Boss Nigger “your death is going to be slow and painful, Nigger.” They tie Boss Nigger to a pole to let him dehydrate in the sun. They’ve forced Claire Mae to work for them but have not fucked her – at least not on camera. I don’t see why not.
If these guys were good villains they’d have done her in front of the broken and beaten Boss Nigger to prove a point. She takes time getting them the water. Why doesn’t she just poison them all? One horny guy jumps out to get her and is immediately knocked out by Amos. Amos hands her a knife and tells her to give it to Boss.
Claire Mae tries to seduce one of the guards while handing the knife to Boss Nigger. Unfortunately Boss Nigger drops the knife thanks to his fucked up hand.
Claire Mae is again on “seduce” duty to try to distract the white guards although her lack of tits probably shouldn’t be all that effective on them.
Amos with the help of Claire sneaks up on some of the captors and when asked why he isn’t wearing a shirt he says “they can’t see him” in the dark. NATURAL CAMOFLAGUE! Told you. Black ninjitsu!
Jed and the mayor drink to their success. I don’t really understand why the Mayor is so happy about this when he started off so mad about Jed and if he’s so tolerant of the corruption why didn’t he just make Jed the mayor of the town before Boss Nigger even got here? Makes sense to me.
OH MY GOD INVISIBLE PEOPLE! White Lady immediately says “put him in my bed.” Lady, now is not the time to think about your unfulfilled black cock sexual fantasies! Boss Nigger asks the lady to get the doctor and Amos to get him lots of ammo. Claire Mae wants to go with Boss Nigger when he leaves this town but he says this life isn’t for her and she says she will go with him no matter what he does and I assume that will make her Boss Niggeress.
All of Jed’s men raid the Mexican Cantina for a drink for no apparent reason whatsoever. This has nothing to do with anything and buys Boss Nigger more recovery time. I’d like to think that if I were an arch-villain that in no way would getting inebriated and letting my wounded enemies recover would be a sound strategy in combat.
Unfortunately earlier Boss Nigger told Claire Mae to hide in the Cantina, which leads to Jed trying to get it on. She breaks a bottle over his head and gets shot while trying to escape. The now drunk and unprepared white men are at the mercy of the Doctor, the Blacksmith, a few towns people, Boss Nigger and some dynamite explosions. Jed and his men are mowed down. Jed is finally out of ammo and plays the “you wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man, would you? This leads to a fist fight in the bar between them both.
Jed is finally shot several times in super slow motion and begins spinning and spiraling around. Boss Nigger says this is for Little Poncho as Jed falls down in the most dramatic ways possible. Boss Nigger says that one is for him. Jed says “go ahead and kill me, Nigger.” Boss says that’s MR. NIGGER to Jed. Jed tells MR.NIGGER to go to hell. Boss Nigger then says this one is for Claire Mae and shoots Jed right in the head.
As Boss Nigger leaves the tavern its Boss Nigger who is shot, taking one right in the chest. Boss Nigger is now on the ground, and probably about to die as the Doctor was killed in the gun fight with Jed’s men. Boss Nigger is shot a second time.
It’s the fucking Mayor, who despite being horrible at rape, is an excellent marksman. but Boss Nigger tosses a knife with accuracy straight into the Mayor as well, and his old ass drops, as well. The damage is already done, however, and Boss Nigger has been shot. Boss Nigger asks Amos to get him out of here and not to let him die in WHITE FOLK’S TOWN. The Schoolteacher says she’s going with him but he says a black man has enough problems without a white woman following him around.
Translation: YOUR PUSSY STINKS.
All six billion Mexicans bring out Claire Mae’s body as well. The movie just flat out ENDS at this point without you knowing if Boss Nigger lived, if Boss Nigger died, if Boss Nigger and Amos ran a train on Claire Mae’s dead body, if the school teacher ever washed her dirty pussy, if the Mexican Lady in town had Amos’ negro baby, or anything. I’m really disappointed by the ending, even though Boss Nigger wasn’t that bad of a film. Now for the real question: Was Boss Nigger a racist film? Probably moreso than Django Unchained which is compared to it, but it doesn’t seem to garner half the controversy despite having the word NIGGER In the film’s title and saying it in the film almost as often because apparently it’s totally ok as long as a black man wrote, directed, and produced the film. Now get ready for the real kicker as I sat through the credits:
This movie was considered PG. But why is it that a mid-70’s movie with violence, implied rape and the word NIGGER used to excess is PG in the 1970s and rated R in 2013? Is it because it’s less racist than Django thanks to a black man filming it? I beg to differ – in actuality it’s because of the fact people weren’t really all that offended by the films content in 1970, nor were they really offended in 1980. As we entered the ‘90s and beyond that’s when everyone started being pussies about every time the word NIGGER got said in a film or any other forms of controversy. We’re an easily offended society that tries to label the past as a time of “ignorance” and “bigotry.” The truth of the matter is in the 1970s and 1980s people had bigger problems and just didn’t give a shit. Are you offended by racial plot devices in movies that take place in an era where slavery was still legal? If you are, please off yourselves and leave my planet Earth as you are not part of the solution but part of the problem. If you’re spending your time counting NIGGER in films then you simply have too much time on your hands, you need a hobby and you need to get laid even more than I do… which is pretty fucking sad. Now then if you’ll excuse me, me and Johnny Landin have better things to do like film the 2013 remake of this film in New Jersey on April 5th.
Fuck Blaxploitation films. You fuckers have a president. It’s time for us to start making SPICSPLOITATION films. You’ve heard of Spike Lee Joints? Well these are Riv & Landin Protein Supplements. Fuck you.